The BELTO accompaniment - the Bloody Mary

Ah, the Bloody Mary.  The only drink that one can say actually has food value, and one of the few morning drinks.  Morning drinking is controversial - most consider it solely a habit of poor alcoholics, usually homeless ones.  Such activity (morning drinking) is met with much social approbation, with the exception of special occasions - perhaps before a noon wedding, or more commonly at a ladies' summer brunch, in which the ladies wear bright pastel dresses with big flowers, and sometimes even large straw hats.  A ladies' brunch would offer such fare as delicate thin little sandwiches ("tea sandwiches") on white bread with no crust, cut into fourths, and teensy little pastries  (certainly the BELTO would never be allowed at a ladies' brunch).  Mimosas and Bloody Marys may also be offered at a ladies brunch, and as we know that the type of ladies who go to ladies brunches are the ones that ultimately determine what is to be socially frowned upon or not, these two drinks have become the classically accepted breakfast drinks.  (The sailor's shot of rum or bourbon is highly frowned upon by ladies who go to ladies' brunches, even if it is noon and the sun has long since passed over the yardarm).

However, and surprisingly (sit down for this), morning drinking was historically quite common, especially when clean water and refrigeration were widely unavailable.  It was not a whole bottle of whiskey drunk, but perhaps a breakfast mug of ale or wine, whose fermented state ensured deadly bacteria were absent.  Still today in many European countries, the tradition of drinking wine during the day is common, accepted, and considered a perfectly healthy habit (it is so plentiful and cheap and good there, after all).  Even the admired Winston Churchill, leader, hero, and savior of England during WWII, drank his whiskey before noon, and was onto champagne by one, and defeated Hitler at the same time.  And it is legendarily attributed to Churchill that when Bessie Braddock told him at a social function "Winston, you are drunk," he easily shot back, "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober and you will still be ugly."

Only in modern ages in America has the morning drink become inappropriate (especially among Southern Baptists, for whom any kind of drinking, and for that matter, cards and dancing (just too much fun of any kind), is not only socially inappropriate but will actually send you to eternal damnation).  The exceptions are the beforementioned ladies' brunches, and also, on airplanes where not only are time zones unclear (it's 5 PM somewhere after all, perhaps where you are going to or coming from), but also where one is surrounded by strangers - who cannot report your drinking to well-meaning relatives and "friends" who may then feel nosily compelled to nag you, or worse, organize a clearly co-dependent "intervention" and ruin an otherwise perfectly good afternoon.

Of the two accepted morning drinks, the Mimosa, half champagne and half orange juice, is light and refreshing.  Its morning sister, the Bloody Mary, is the opposite - a full meal in and of itself.  Competing stories are attributed to its origins - some involving a New York bar in Paris frequented by literary and Hollywood expatriates such as Ernest Hemingway, Sinclair Lewis, Rita Hayworth and Humphrey Bogart - but most agree, it was invented to help alleviate the overindulgence of the night before - a hangover cure, of the "hair of the dog" variety.  (I personally prefer to avoid the hangover, whose lot of pain and time in pain often exceeds the lot and time of enjoyment of the night before, and so the sum total of pleasure (of the night before and the morning after) then becomes a negative one...).  So I drink the Bloody Mary simply because it is delicious, is one of those rarely accepted morning drinks, and goes well with the BELTO, a morning sandwich (though the BELTO, and for that matter, the Bloody Mary, are just as delicious any time of day, not just morning).

One caveat - morning drinking usually has a negative effect on one's productivity for the rest of the day, so unless it's a holiday or celebration, it's best to wait until work is done, or rather, until the sun is over the yardarm.  The brunch ladies would approve.

Next post:  Making and drinking the Bloody Mary.

Assembling the Big Sandwich

OK, you've got your  BELTO's ingredients (see previous post), now let's put our big sandwich together.  You've got your Bacon, Egg, Lettuce, Tomato and Onion, plus your bread.  You're also going to need mayonnaise, salt, and cayenne pepper.

Place two slices of bread on the counter, and cover both slices liberally with mayo - Hellman's Real Mayonnaise is the best.  I've tried other brands, I've tried even tried Hellman's canola oil mayo, but nothing is better than original Hellman's, not even TJ's.  It is STILL the original recipe used by German immigrant Richard Hellman in his delicatessan since 1905.  It was his wife's recipe, which became so popular he started selling it to different stores, and eventually closed his own deli to market his mayonnaise full time.  With a recipe over a 100 years old, it's gotta be good and it is - and it's also good for you.  Simple and natural, it's made from eggs, oil and vinegar - (don't get the "light" stuff, because they put all sorts of additives to make it the same texture and taste as the real stuff, don't quite succeed, and not only is that bad for you, it's no long "real" is it?)  

That's right, just mayo, no mustard - you may be a mustard person, you may THINK you want mustard, but even a milder sweet mustard or plain yellow mustard is too much for the BELTO.  With the bacon and onion, your sandwich already has a lot of strong flavors and you want them to shine through.  The eggy mayo, however, perfectly complements the egg in your sandwich.  And, to digress momentarily, eggs have gotten a bad rap - they're actually quite healthy for you - the whole egg, not just the whites (never divorce your egg white from the yolk except in angel food cakes (for the whites) or hollandaise (yolks).)  The lecithin in the white of the egg actually counteracts the cholesterol in the yolks, so it balances itself out.  Egg eaters also (surprisingly) find it easier to lose weight than bagel breakfast eaters.

Now, we sprinkle a little salt and a little (a LITTLE) red cayenne pepper on the mayo'd bread slices - bringing out the flavors and adding just a little heat - not enough to interfere with the rest of the sandwich, just enough for taste.  You can add heat with tabasco, or Frank's hot sauce, or sirichi sauce - but they have too much flavor for our already flavor-filled BELTO.  Save them for something blander.  The cayenne just has heat, no imposing flavor.

Now it's time to assemble.  This is a tricky task with the big sandwich, so take a deep breath and prepare yourself!  The key is balance.  Your thinly sliced onion goes first - layer it sparingly on one slice.  Keeping your onion thin enables the rest of the ingredients to have a firmer foundation rather than a lumpy one, and makes your sandwich more stable.  Next, a thickly sliced home-grown tomato - you'll need at least two slices (depending on the respective sizes of your tomato and bread).  Don't overlap your tomatoes, or your sandwich will be lumpy and things will start falling out (you're going to have that problem with a big sandwich anyway, no need to make it worse.)  You may have to cut one slice of your tomato to shape, in order to make it jut up perfectly against its companion as well as reach the edges of the sandwich - which is important.  As you assemble your sandwich, you don't want to forget about the edges.  Don't just pile everything in the middle with an inch or two around the perimeter - you don't want empty dry edges!

Normally your big sandwich would call for pickles (another fantastic invention, more on that later) but not the BELTO - it has enough flavors going on, and pickles would make it too busy and confusing for your palate (we don't want to confuse that precious palate!)  Think of an outfit - Stacy and Clinton would give you holy hell ("shut the front door!") if you wore a bold plaid with bold stripes.

After the tomatoes, it's time for your freshly fried (over easy-medium) eggs - two should cover the bread, maybe even lapping over the sides a bit (yum).  Next, follow with your romaine lettuce - a hardy lettuce that can hold its own with these other strong flavors.  Green leaf or red leaf would work as well.  I like to use a lot - it makes me feel healthy!

Next is your TJ's apple-wood smoked bacon - it is best cooked in the oven, not fried - it lays flat, and is soft and tender.  If you cook in your TJ's bacon right, the fat in it has the consistency of butter... Put a few slices on a non-stick pan, and cook at 350 degrees for 20 minutes (give or take 5 or so depending your oven.)  Drain the fat on paper towels, cut the bacon slices in half for optimum sandwich fit, and carefully layer two and half slices of bacon on the lettuce.  Cap it all with the waiting slice of bread, and voila! - you have your big sandwich.

The only thing with a big sandwich is, it's big, which is a problem.  This is true of a lot of things in life; our greatest strengths are often our greatest weaknesses.  So how to handle it?  Toothpicks are the classic solution.  You may need a few placed strategically throughout the sandwich. If you don't have those ones topped with colorful clear curly plastic, you'll have to make sure you remember where you put them or risk injury!  Take them out as soon as your big sandwich bites get closer to them... 

However, there's a better solution - and I wish I'd thought of it, but I have to give all the credit to Aaron McCargo of Food Network's "Big Daddy's House."  Get yourself some parchment paper (next to the aluminum foil and plastic wrap in the grocery store).   Place your big sandwich in the middle of a square, and wrap it up tightly like a burrito.  Cut in half, and place a toothpick in the center of each half if needed to secure the parchment paper.

Warning:  Do not make, order, or eat a big sandwich on a date with a member of the opposite sex whom you desire to impress.  There is nothing delicate about it.  When you eat your big sandwich, it WILL fall apart, and you are going to have a mess.  That's OK, enjoy it! Especially because you were wise enough not to eat it in front of anyone but your bestest friends and family who love you immensely in spite of your many flaws, including the inability to eat a big sandwich with grace (an ability which no one has by the way).   And your parchment paper will catch much of the yummy ingredients before they hit the plate, ensuring some semblance of neatness.

Next post:  What to drink with the big sandwich:  The Bloody Mary (since this is likely breakfast, and we don't want to begin the day with the sailor's bottle of rum, despite the name of this blog).

A Toast to Life...

The phrase "The sun is over the yardarm" invokes imbibing of drink and the enjoyment of life after work is done.  Traditionally it means 5:00 has rung, and it's time for happy hour and that first drink of the day - and a happy hour it is.  However, the real origins of the phrase refer to a literal ship's yardarm, as the sun passes over it - not at 5 pm but at 11 am:

"SUN IS OVER THE YARDARM - (time for happy hour to begin). This expression is thought to have its origins in an officers' custom aboard ships sailing in the north Atlantic. In those latitudes, the sun would rise above the upper yards - the horizontal spars mounted on the masts, from which squaresails were hung - around 11 a.m. Since this coincided with the forenoon 'stand easy,' officers would take advantage of the break to go below for their first tot of spirits for the day. The expression washed ashore where the sun appears over the figurative yardarm a bit later in the day, generally after 5 p.m., and the end of the workday" (http://phrases.org.uk).The phrase has early literary references as well; the first volume of Life, from the issue of May 31, 1883, uses it, and across the pond, Rudyard Kipling's "From Sea to Sea" (1899) uses it - both in references to drinking.
  
However, if you're ashore instead of afloat, early evening or quitting time is the usual time to sit down and partake of the pleasures of food and wine (and more)... 
  
Here we will talk about these gifts of life that come from the earth and ground us in the earth;  food and drink and more -  from all sides, angles, points of view:  creation and craft, appreciation and enjoyment, meaning and value, benefits and healing, and all of it, part of that for which we live.