Assembling the Big Sandwich

OK, you've got your  BELTO's ingredients (see previous post), now let's put our big sandwich together.  You've got your Bacon, Egg, Lettuce, Tomato and Onion, plus your bread.  You're also going to need mayonnaise, salt, and cayenne pepper.

Place two slices of bread on the counter, and cover both slices liberally with mayo - Hellman's Real Mayonnaise is the best.  I've tried other brands, I've tried even tried Hellman's canola oil mayo, but nothing is better than original Hellman's, not even TJ's.  It is STILL the original recipe used by German immigrant Richard Hellman in his delicatessan since 1905.  It was his wife's recipe, which became so popular he started selling it to different stores, and eventually closed his own deli to market his mayonnaise full time.  With a recipe over a 100 years old, it's gotta be good and it is - and it's also good for you.  Simple and natural, it's made from eggs, oil and vinegar - (don't get the "light" stuff, because they put all sorts of additives to make it the same texture and taste as the real stuff, don't quite succeed, and not only is that bad for you, it's no long "real" is it?)  

That's right, just mayo, no mustard - you may be a mustard person, you may THINK you want mustard, but even a milder sweet mustard or plain yellow mustard is too much for the BELTO.  With the bacon and onion, your sandwich already has a lot of strong flavors and you want them to shine through.  The eggy mayo, however, perfectly complements the egg in your sandwich.  And, to digress momentarily, eggs have gotten a bad rap - they're actually quite healthy for you - the whole egg, not just the whites (never divorce your egg white from the yolk except in angel food cakes (for the whites) or hollandaise (yolks).)  The lecithin in the white of the egg actually counteracts the cholesterol in the yolks, so it balances itself out.  Egg eaters also (surprisingly) find it easier to lose weight than bagel breakfast eaters.

Now, we sprinkle a little salt and a little (a LITTLE) red cayenne pepper on the mayo'd bread slices - bringing out the flavors and adding just a little heat - not enough to interfere with the rest of the sandwich, just enough for taste.  You can add heat with tabasco, or Frank's hot sauce, or sirichi sauce - but they have too much flavor for our already flavor-filled BELTO.  Save them for something blander.  The cayenne just has heat, no imposing flavor.

Now it's time to assemble.  This is a tricky task with the big sandwich, so take a deep breath and prepare yourself!  The key is balance.  Your thinly sliced onion goes first - layer it sparingly on one slice.  Keeping your onion thin enables the rest of the ingredients to have a firmer foundation rather than a lumpy one, and makes your sandwich more stable.  Next, a thickly sliced home-grown tomato - you'll need at least two slices (depending on the respective sizes of your tomato and bread).  Don't overlap your tomatoes, or your sandwich will be lumpy and things will start falling out (you're going to have that problem with a big sandwich anyway, no need to make it worse.)  You may have to cut one slice of your tomato to shape, in order to make it jut up perfectly against its companion as well as reach the edges of the sandwich - which is important.  As you assemble your sandwich, you don't want to forget about the edges.  Don't just pile everything in the middle with an inch or two around the perimeter - you don't want empty dry edges!

Normally your big sandwich would call for pickles (another fantastic invention, more on that later) but not the BELTO - it has enough flavors going on, and pickles would make it too busy and confusing for your palate (we don't want to confuse that precious palate!)  Think of an outfit - Stacy and Clinton would give you holy hell ("shut the front door!") if you wore a bold plaid with bold stripes.

After the tomatoes, it's time for your freshly fried (over easy-medium) eggs - two should cover the bread, maybe even lapping over the sides a bit (yum).  Next, follow with your romaine lettuce - a hardy lettuce that can hold its own with these other strong flavors.  Green leaf or red leaf would work as well.  I like to use a lot - it makes me feel healthy!

Next is your TJ's apple-wood smoked bacon - it is best cooked in the oven, not fried - it lays flat, and is soft and tender.  If you cook in your TJ's bacon right, the fat in it has the consistency of butter... Put a few slices on a non-stick pan, and cook at 350 degrees for 20 minutes (give or take 5 or so depending your oven.)  Drain the fat on paper towels, cut the bacon slices in half for optimum sandwich fit, and carefully layer two and half slices of bacon on the lettuce.  Cap it all with the waiting slice of bread, and voila! - you have your big sandwich.

The only thing with a big sandwich is, it's big, which is a problem.  This is true of a lot of things in life; our greatest strengths are often our greatest weaknesses.  So how to handle it?  Toothpicks are the classic solution.  You may need a few placed strategically throughout the sandwich. If you don't have those ones topped with colorful clear curly plastic, you'll have to make sure you remember where you put them or risk injury!  Take them out as soon as your big sandwich bites get closer to them... 

However, there's a better solution - and I wish I'd thought of it, but I have to give all the credit to Aaron McCargo of Food Network's "Big Daddy's House."  Get yourself some parchment paper (next to the aluminum foil and plastic wrap in the grocery store).   Place your big sandwich in the middle of a square, and wrap it up tightly like a burrito.  Cut in half, and place a toothpick in the center of each half if needed to secure the parchment paper.

Warning:  Do not make, order, or eat a big sandwich on a date with a member of the opposite sex whom you desire to impress.  There is nothing delicate about it.  When you eat your big sandwich, it WILL fall apart, and you are going to have a mess.  That's OK, enjoy it! Especially because you were wise enough not to eat it in front of anyone but your bestest friends and family who love you immensely in spite of your many flaws, including the inability to eat a big sandwich with grace (an ability which no one has by the way).   And your parchment paper will catch much of the yummy ingredients before they hit the plate, ensuring some semblance of neatness.

Next post:  What to drink with the big sandwich:  The Bloody Mary (since this is likely breakfast, and we don't want to begin the day with the sailor's bottle of rum, despite the name of this blog).